Bruce Springsteen: Queen of the Supermarket

2014.Oct.18

bruce springsteen, grocery baggers, shitty songs

Springsteen apologists have plenty of material. Even in latter years:

Poor me a drink, Theresa, in one of those glasses you dust off And I'll watch the bones in your back like the stations of the cross

Not bad, right? But “Working on a Dream”?! Working on a Dream. Really. You’re working on a dream, Bruce?

But the title isn’t the only dog on this album. It’s “Queen of the Supermarket,” which is an ode to some hapless slob at Bruce’s local Wegeman’s or whatev. This one tries very hard to push some tired sophomore up into the pantheon of Springsteen characters who dream so big they actually work up to takeoff speed and ride off into salvation. But this poor teen (she’s a teenager, y’all!) is very likely just some surly local yap who misbags your clementines or chit-chats with Braden the produce stocker while your leeks wilt on the scale.

Even so it’s Springsteen, so if anybody could pull it off, ya know? Trouble is that he starts out in the hole:

There's a wonderful world where all you desire And everything you've longed for is at your fingertips Where the bittersweet taste of life is at your lips Where aisles and aisles of dreams await you And the cool promise of ecstasy fills the air At the end of each working day she's waiting there.

Hey, guess what! We don’t even need to go on. One stanza like that about a grocery store and we could just rap that gavel, yo. But before we go, here’s an excerpt from a duet Bruce planned with that very same emette from Rumson High. Bruce goes…

  • swelling music, E Street-style
  • Bruce
  • Guidance from the gods above At night I pray for the strength to tell her When I love I love I love I love her so Take my place in the check-out line For one moment her eyes meet mine I'm lifted up, lifted up, lifted up, lifted up
  • rhythm gets choppy, middle-eight breaky
  • Beep. Thud. Thud. Beep. Then...
  • Girl [unaffectedly]
  • Super saver card?

End of song. Maybe one of those hilarious sad trombones, maybe not. We never even find out if she was asking for a super saver card or offering one. Cuz who could possibly give a shit. Eesh.

MAPPING IT

The Boss (surprisingly) never gets around to singing the street address of this Elysium so we gotta choose an almost rando grocery store in Runson, NJ.

HEARING IT